


Not So Silent Nights

by Ghostoftreebeard



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Christmas, Eventual Smut, F/M, Mind the notes, On the front end, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Single Parents, That rating is gonna change, history professors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-23 05:13:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17074064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostoftreebeard/pseuds/Ghostoftreebeard
Summary: Jyn Erso moves back to her hometown with her seven year old son after many years of avoiding it.  The universe seems intent on her confrontation of past ghosts.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is Part 1 of a 6 part series I've written.  
> Part 2 is the angst.  
> The rating will change in Part Four.  
> Parts 5 and 6 are Christmas fluff.
> 
>  
> 
> My intention is to post a part a day until Christmas.
> 
> Please enjoy what my brain puked out! Ho Ho Ho

The constant whir of the late summer cicadas was the only thing that seemed to cut through the muggy humidity of the late August heat.  Jyn felt the strands of hair that had escaped her messy bun stick to the sweaty nape of her neck as she attempted to fruitlessly brush them back into place with the equally damp palm of her hand.   It was a definite change from the dusty heat of Southern California and she found herself wondering, not for the first time, what she was doing here on the other side of the country in New England.

 

She watched as her seven year old bounded up the front steps of the brick Colonial after his grandfather, backpack bouncing up and down with each excited step.  The house loomed large, both in Jyn's reality and her memory.  Her childhood home.  The place where she had lived from twelve to seventeen.  The place where her mother had died.  The place where she would once again reside until she signed on the charming bungalow three streets over in a month.

 

She adjusted the large duffle on her shoulder before lifting the heavy rolling suitcase up the first step and then the next.  Her father suddenly reappeared in the doorway, a relaxed smile on his face and a hand extended to the handle, "Here, darling.  Let me help."

 

The first evening of their new life was pleasant enough.  Arlo showed her the room that he had set up with his grandfather the few weeks that he had spent there without her earlier in the summer.  A set of bunkbeds dressed with gray blue bedding and hanging lights shaped like dragonflies were flanked by two large bookcases.  Jyn had heard so much in the past month about all of the sleepovers he had had in this room with Poe.  Jyn had never met Poe.  He had been a constant presence in her life as of late, however, because her son was constantly telling her about his adventures with the boy.  He also talked about a girl named Evie and Jyn had taken to silently (and affectionately) calling the trio The Three Musketeers as, despite the distance over the past month, they were still seemingly  attached at the metaphorical hip.  It would be nice to put a face to these children whom Arlo had come to adore so much.  His enthusiasm for their friendship (which Jyn surmised to be reciprocal through subtle eavesdropping on their phone conversations) was one of the tipping points for moving back.  Yes, there were other factors, but her son's happiness (and that of her father) was not a small part.

 

Not until after Arlo had been tucked into bed and she had shared a pleasant cup of tea at the kitchen island with her father did the looming feeling of edged sadness set in.  She picked up the items on the small fireplace mantel in the bedroom she had not slept in for eight years, since before Arlo was born.  It was much as she had left it when she had moved across the country at seventeen, intent on putting as much space between this place and herself as possible.  She turned a purple blown-glass unicorn in her hand; a friend who had followed her from her first bedroom in London.  She traced her fingers over a small yet nearly perfect conch shell, a treasure found on a trip to the beach when she was thirteen.  She stopped at the black lacquered swirling frame that surrounded a picture of her mother digging in the garden, hair in a messy ponytail, a hand in the process of inadvertently smearing dirt across her face as she laughed at the picture taker (no doubt Jyn's father).  Jyn was startled to think that her mother must have been her age in this photo, thirty-one.  She would give birth to Jyn the next year. 

 

The panic attacks that had gripped Jyn in the years that followed Lyra Erso's death upon a reminder of her mother no longer haunted her but she doubted that the tempered sadness that she was feeling now as she thought about her would ever go away.  She missed her.  She missed her so much and this place was a constant reminder of that loss, even if it was dulled like an old knife now; not quite able to cut but a pressure still bluntly felt.

 

In the past, Jyn would have avoided the feeling altogether (face the picture down, not be in this room in the first place) but part of moving back here was to stop running from it.  It was best for her son, best for her father, best for her career, and the list of pros went on.  Jyn couldn't keep letting her grief get in the way.  It was time to face it head on.

 

…………………

 

The jet lag must have caught up with Jyn because she awoke to bright sunshine and the laughter of unfamiliar children down the hall.  Her phone said that it was past ten so she must have slept through her alarm.  She threw on a t-shirt and the skinny jeans on the top of her suitcase and cautiously made her way down the hall to her son's room.  The door creaked open with the light push of her hand and she observed her son in the middle of a large Lego construction with a boy with curly black hair and a suspiciously mischievous smile and a girl with bobbed, dark hair whose giant brown eyes were magnified by her round purple glasses.  "Poe and Evie, I presume?" she startled them from their concentration with a smile.

 

"Hi, Mom!  Yup!" Arlo said no more but received the kiss that she placed on his forehead and went back to the mess of blocks.

 

"Hi, Mrs. Erso!  Nice to meet you!" Poe greeted her warmly.

 

"It's just Ms. But you can call me Jyn," she winked at him and turning to Evie said, "Hello, Evie."

 

Evie gave a polite wave, her legs kicking behind her on her stomach, "Hello!  Thanks for letting Arlo move here!"

 

Jyn chuckled, "You're very welcome," and left them to whatever it was that they were creating, its subject not immediately apparent.

 

She heard Evie's sweet, quiet voice in the distance as she walked down the hall, "Your mom's sooo pretty!" and she couldn't help but smile to herself.

 

As she started down the stairs, she could hear a female voice laughing in the kitchen followed by her father's accented one.  The smell of coffee wafted stronger as she neared the room and she soon saw a woman about her age with a mass of curly, shoulder-length hair sitting on an island stool nursing a cup of coffee. 

 

"Jyn!  You're awake!" her father beamed as she entered.

 

"You let me sleep to long," she grumbled with a smile.

 

"Nonsense, school starts in a few days and, believe me, you will have no peace.  Take it when it's given to you," her father handed her a coffee cup and the pint of cream, "Jyn, this is Shara, Poe's mom."

 

Shara extended a friendly hand with a smile, "Shara Bey-Dameron.  Nice to finally meet you."

 

Jyn shook it firmly but found that she had to ask about the familiar name, "Dameron?  Do you know Kes Dameron?"

 

Shara tilted her head back as she laughed, "I'm married to him so yes!  He said that you went to high school together, right?"

 

"Yes we did," Jyn smiled but her mind thought about the strange coincidence that of all the people her child would choose to befriend, it would be the child of Kes freaking Dameron.  Strange indeed.

 

The morning was pleasant and Jyn found that she felt an instant comfort in Shara's presence.  Shara was warm and funny with a quick wit that made Jyn realize that she was a perfect match for Kes (or at least the Kes she had known over a decade ago). 

 

………

 

In the afternoon, Jyn went to Arlo's school to meet with his teachers.  Chirrut Imwe was a pleasant and cheerful sort of person with remarks that, while kind of corny, made her think he strangely knew too much about her.  "We learn as much from our children as they do from us.  They tend to lead us down the path that is needed, though perhaps not wanted," he told her from across the desk, milky eyes staring off to the side of her face with a smile.

"I don't know about that as I was the one who moved us here but I get the sentiment," Jyn laughed lightly.

Chirrut regarded her with a tilt to his head as he said skeptically, "Are you sure?  I sense that something is already in motion for you."

Jyn was not sure how to respond to that but was relieved when Baze Malbus broke in with a gruff, "Ignore this old fool.  He just likes to mess with the parents."

"I'd imagine that that's pretty easy in a fancy school like this," she grinned at the much larger man.

"Baze!" Chirrut seemed pleased with her response, "I like this one!  She's fiery! "

Baze responded with a deep laugh.  The two played well off of each other and she got the sense that her son would quite like them.

 

…………

 

Later in the evening, she sat at the dining room table with Arlo in her lap, an image coming into focus on the facing laptop.

 

"Hello, strangers!" Bodhi's voice was cheerful and immediately made Jyn's chest clench with how much she missed him.

 

"Uncle Bodhi!" Arlo squealed and immediately launched into tales of his adventures. 

 

When he finished, waved goodbye, and slid off his mother's lap to go harass his grandfather for some ice cream, Bodhi eyed Jyn warmly, "Hey, babe.  How are you doing?"

 

Jyn sighed, "I'm good.  I miss you.  So much. But we're settling in here.  I think I even made a new friend."

 

Bodhi chuckled, "Well good.  I knew Arlo would be fine but I was a little worried about you and your inability to open. up." he annunciated the last two words and pointed at the screen before continuing, finished with his tutting, "When do you start at the university?"

 

"I meet with my boss tomorrow.  I've already been working remotely with him since I was hired on but it will be nice to set up an actual physical space.  Classes start the day after tomorrow.  Arlo's start tomorrow.  I met his teachers.  They're weird but, like, good weird," she rambled a bit because she was nervous about tomorrow.  It was the good kind of nerves, the uncertainty of a new adventure, but nerves nonetheless.

 

"Good," Bodhi nodded and let go a sigh, "I think this will be very good for you Jyn.  You were at the same place for a long time.  IN the same place for a long time.  A change of pace is good."

 

Jyn laughed, digging at him playfully, "Well you kind of forced my hand by moving to San Francisco and leaving me all alone!  How dare you fall in love and run away with him up north!  Speaking of which, do you hate it?  The sweatshirt weather and excellent food and painfully cheerful boyfriend?"

 

Bodhi mirrored her laughter, "No.  I love it.  And him.  I do miss you and the nugget, though.  Terribly."

 

There was commotion on the screen as Bodhi's attention was directed towards someone moving on the other side.  She saw him wave and say, "Luke!  It's Jyn!  Come say hi!"

 

Jyn saw Bodhi's sandy haired boyfriend come into the frame and greet her with a radiant smile, "Jyn!  How'd the move go?!"

 

She filled him in on the abridged version of their travels and new acquaintances.  After chatting for a while longer, Jyn signed off with a sigh.  She missed her best friend so much.  He had been there for her through Arlo's whole life.  He was her support system in LA after her godfather had passed away.  She could not blame him for falling in love with Luke and moving away to be with him.  And he was right; it had helped her to climb out of the stagnation she had wallowed into in her life.

 

……………………

 

The meeting with Dean Draven had gone smoothly as expected.  They had been in constant contact remotely as Jyn had tied up loose ends at her previous history department and planned out her first courses and research at Yavin University.  Her office situation, however, was a different story.

 

"I apologize for the current accommodations.  They should be remedied in the next few weeks," Draven had told her in his brisk manner as they meandered down a narrow hall deep in the depths of the science building.  The history building had been recently plagued with a mold infestation from a leaking roof and was emergently under construction and vacant.  She would have to share a cramped, temporary office in the depths of the science building with another member of her department. 

 

"Not really your fault.  I'm adaptable," she responded, shrugging off any visible irritation.

 

He gave her a curt nod as he opened the door to a room off the dimly lit hall.  It wasn't much upon initial inspection; an approximately eight by ten space with two desks along the longer wall, file cabinets and a bookshelf opposite. 

 

"I'm afraid I'll have to leave you to it.  I've got an unfortunate budget meeting with Prevost Mothma and the board.  Again," he motioned once more to the cave-like room, "this will only be temporary."

 

Jyn nodded before turning into the space, Draven's footsteps echoing down the hall behind her.  The desk just inside the door appeared to be taken with an open, marked up text, scrawled-in legal pad, and half drunk mug of coffee lining the surface.  A framed picture of a beautiful woman holding an absolutely adorable, pudgy infant sat prominently to the right.  Her office mate was not currently present and she didn't remember Draven mentioning a name.  She figured she'd meet them soon enough.

 

She pulled out the books that she had fit into her leather satchel and placed them around the laminate surface.  She also placed a picture of Arlo and her dad on the cork board to the right.  She pulled out her laptop to print out a few copies of things that she would need when classes resumed the following day but a look at her watch after trying in vain to connect to the local printer told her that it was almost time to go pick up Arlo from school.

 

She packed up the computer and put her gray blazer back on, smoothing the cream Peter Pan collar of her blouse afterwards.  She twisted back around to turn off the desk lamp and was reaching into her bag to get her phone, head down as she walked towards the door which is why she didn't see him.

 

"Woah!" an accented voice warned right in front of her and she abruptly turned her head to see a tall man with his hands raised.  She looked up to meet his eyes to apologize, because this was likely her officemate and she had nearly run him over in her distracted haste.  She promptly felt her stomach drop to the floor.

 

"Jyn," his voice sounded almost begrudging, like he expected yet was resigned to seeing her and she shivered because her brain instantly betrayed her with a memory.

 

She closed her eyes and tried to compose herself because she had just run into another ghost, one of the bigger ones.  She had run into Cassian Andor.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian's shared history. A trip back in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for a panic attack and discussions of parental illness and death in this part.

_14 years earlier_

 

The bustle of the cafeteria swirled around her as Jyn half heartedly twirled the plastic spoon in her half finished yogurt cup.  She vaguely registered Kate's voice as she relayed the play by play of last weekend's party gossip.  She nodded occasionally as was polite but her head was distantly elsewhere, as it was much of the time these days.  She felt like she was in a relentless fog, her brain dulled to the world around her.  It kept moving on inexorably but she felt stuck as if in Jello and apathetic to everything around her.  How could she give a shit about these petty events that her friends treated as major ones?  How could she be expected to care about someone's poor outfit choice or drunken dalliance when her mother was dying?

 

She zoned out the whir of life all around her until she felt his eyes on her, as she so often did lately.  It did not take much searching to meet them from his place in the corner of the room.  When he was caught he didn't look away, deep brown eyes still reaching heavy at her.  Maybe that was why she didn't mind him staring, the fact that anyone else would be intimidated to hold her gaze so obviously.  Maybe it was the mirrored sadness she found there.  She felt so alone these days that it was nice to recognize something in someone else even if it was likely tragic.  She wanted to ask about what put it there.  She had never, however, talked to Cassian Andor and that might be a little too forward.  _Hi, what emotional trauma put that sadness in your eyes, handsome?  I'm Jyn._

 

He had shown up halfway through fall of Junior year or maybe that's just when Jyn realized he existed.  She knew he was a year older, quiet, and kept mostly to himself but hung out with Kes Dameron (which was something because that guy never shut up).  She had asked her friend group nonchalantly about him once and Kate had unhelpfully supplied some gossip that he only spoke Spanish, hence the apparent muteness and also that "he was weird and why was she even interested, Jyn?!"  When winter break had finished and the second term had commenced she found herself in AP History with him and, although he was still fairly circumspect with his commentary, found that he indeed did speak English and the words he used were carefully thought out and highly intelligent.

 

She still hadn't gotten up the nerve to actually talk to him yet.  The feeling appeared to be mutual.  There was just a lot of highly charged non-verbal body language.  She stared at him, he stared at her, and Jyn found it all electrifying and a welcome distraction to her current emotional state.

 

"Jyn!  Hellooo?  Are you even listening to me?" Kate was waving a hand in front of her face and all at once the spell was broken.

 

Jyn shook her head and replied in her best relaxed mask, "Yeah.  Just tired."

 

Julie rolled her eyes, "Ugh maybe don't take so many upper level courses and you won't have to study so late!"

 

Jyn found her out in that low jab to her intellect and made a show of looking down at her watch, "That reminds me, I need to get to history early to clarify an assignment."

 

She quickly deposited her garbage in the proper bin and felt an immediate relief as she transitioned from the flurry of energy in the cafeteria to the decidedly less crowded hallway.  Her boots echoed heavily as she entered the stairwell at the end of the wing and she nearly ran into him.  Cassian looked as surprised as she felt and she paused, panicking a bit at the proximity of space.  Faced with actual contact with him, she found that she struggled with the words to say.  She was slightly relieved when he took the plunge first, "Going to History?"

 

A breathy, "Yeah," was the only thing she could find to say.

 

He nodded lightly but fell silently into step with her as she moved to go up the stairs.  She could tell that he was slowing his gait to match his much lankier stride with her petite one and the idea brought a small smirk to her lips. 

 

"Are you uh-" he broke the silence, stuttering a little in what she thought might be nerves, "are you going to Lando Calrissian's party on Friday?"

 

She gave him a curious glance before skeptically replying, "Yeah?"

 

Her amused smirk seemed to confuse him because his face scrunched a little when he asked, "What?"

 

Jyn huffed out a tiny breath of air, "I don't know.  You just don't seem like the type to go to parties.  I've never seen you at one."

 

He nodded slowly and his tongue darted out to wet his lip as he turned to face her, now stopped in front of the open classroom door, "I'm not.  My friend, Kes, is-uh- trying to get with Mallory S. and I'm trying to be a supportive wingman."

 

Jyn's face felt hot and she knew that she was blushing in the middle of the hallway but he was looking at her with those big emotive puppy dog eyes from under his lashes and asking her if he would see her at a party.  She managed an airy, "Well I guess I'll see you there…"

 

He nodded, his smile a bare but bright thing, and she reluctantly broke his gaze as he extended a hand towards the door as if to say _you first_.  She went to her desk by the window and he took his seat in the back and it went back to the normal state of affairs.  Except it wasn't because she had spoken to him and he had wanted to see her outside of school and if she casually glanced behind her in the direction of his desk more than usual that afternoon, who could really blame her?

 

………………

 

The party was a disaster.  Her friends (and everyone else) were beyond drunk.  Kate was plastered on Jello shots and was the kind of drunk where she got even meaner than normal.  "Uh-look at that freshman throwing up in the sink!  Serves her right for thinking she can waltz into this party and act like tough shit!" she slurred in condescension as she hung off of Julie's shoulder, swaying precariously in the living room doorway.

 

Jyn just nodded minutely and took the tiniest sip of the red solo cup she had been nursing all night.  It was a rum and coke, mostly coke because she really didn't like drinking all that much but still felt the need to keep up appearances, mostly to keep Kate off her back.  Kate got pissed for some reason if the whole world wasn't as drunk as she was.  Parties were still new to Jyn.  A year ago, her parents would have never allowed her to go to one and she had been kept under a very strict curfew.  Her mother's illness, however, had the strange side effect of the loosening of her tether.  Her mother was too sick to stand much less dictate her daughter's every move and her father was emotionally and physically spent from her care.  Jyn saw it take its toll more and more everyday.   He had had a conversation with her during the previous summer about how she had earned her newfound self-responsibility and that he trusted that she would use it wisely.

 

She wasn't sure that this was for her, though.  She once again felt the haze around her, like a bubble separating her from the drunken laughter and loud music and youthful giddiness that surrounded her.  "Oh god.  What's HE doing here?" Kate's voice broke through and Jyn's eyes were directed by the wobbly point of her arm.  Cassian was in conversation with Kes over by the couch, Kes' arm slung casually around Mallory S's shoulder to his side.  "Are they letting all the losers into this party or what?!"

 

Jyn's blood began to boil as she turned to glare at Kate.  Julie's cup fell from her face mid sip as she caught sight of Jyn's impending rage.  "Just shut up, Kate," Jyn growled low but loud enough to be heard over the music.

 

Kate looked like she had slapped her, her eyes growing wide with surprise and amusement, "What the hell is wrong with you, Jyn?"

 

Jyn felt the complex swirl of emotions that she had kept tightly simmering rushing to the top.  How were these people able to have fun, to be so callously mean out of entertainment, to find joy in all of this, when people were dying?  It seemed petty and rude and not worth the time.  Kate was drunk.  And a terrible person.  _Leave it, Jyn_ a voice in her head said and it sounded like her father.  Jyn shook her head and brushed past Kate and Julie, both with eyes wide as she passed.  She needed air.  Now.

 

She pushed through the crowded hallway, through a cloud of skunky smoke, shouldering her way until she reached the French doors that led to the pool.  She exhaled a heavy breath that she didn't realize that she was holding as she slumped against the stucco wall of the house.  Her breath rose in a misty swirl as she frantically tried to slow her heartrate.  No matter the stillness of the area, the soft glow thrown from the spotlights surrounding the closed up pool, the crisp silence of the winter night, she could not step back from feeling like she was imploding inside.  Her breathing grew shallow and her head felt very dizzy as her heart threatened to beat out of her chest and tears threatened to breach her eyelids.

 

She distantly heard the door open in the swirling monsoon of panic and heard footsteps and a familiar accented voice, "Jyn?  Jyn, are you okay?"

 

She felt Cassian place a tentative hand on her shoulder, testing her reaction and she leaned into it just so.  Her field of vision was soon filled with his concerned face as he bent down to catch her frantic eyes.  "Hey, hey," his voice was quiet and soothing, "It's ok.  Just breathe in.  And out.  And in.  And out."

 

The sound of his voice and the attention of his eyes helped her to wind back down, her vision opening back up from its pinpoint focus.  She felt his thumb running gentle paths on her shoulder, the pressure the perfect amount to ground her distraction.  When she found her voice again, it was feeble, cracked, "I-  I need to leave.  I- don't have a ride-"

 

He nodded, never letting his eyes leave hers, his voice rushed but quiet, "I need to get Kes' keys and I will take you home.  Okay?  Do you want to stay here?"

 

She nodded and slumped against the wall as he backed slowly away from her towards the door, "I'll be right back, okay?"

 

She nodded again and watched as he slipped back inside, his eyes only leaving hers as he passed out of her line of vision.

 

Ten minutes later, she was seated in the passenger side of Kes Dameron's crappy manual, Cassian's leather jacket on her shoulders.  It took a minute and some choice swear words from Cassian to get the thing started in the cold of the night but eventually it whirred to life and they made their way through the shoddy makeshift parking lot of cars along the driveway. 

 

"What's your address?" Cassian broke the quiet as they turned onto the road.

 

Jyn paused for a minute before saying, "I don't really want to go home."

 

She saw Cassian swallow from the corner of her eye as he shifted into a higher gear and his voice sounded uncertain as he asked, "Where- uh- would you like to go?"

 

"There's a pond behind the library up here," her voice was solid, bold even.

 

He nodded and a few minutes later parked the car in the lot facing the secluded pond.  "We may never get this thing started again," he lightly joked as the engine quieted.

 

She smiled at him but now they were here, together, in the front seat of Kes Dameron's car, alone in the middle of the night.  He didn't ask her about the panic attack and he didn't ask her why she didn't want to go home.  He just sat across from her, looking at her with kind eyes in the silence.  She somehow felt the need to be vulnerable around this boy.  She felt that she could trust him.  She was a little scared of that.

 

"My mom is dying," she said bluntly to just take the edge off, "she's dying and all of this high school bull shit just seems so miniscule.  Vapid."

 

His eyes widened a little as she said it but his overall demeanor remained solid, calm.  He didn't say anything and she thought that maybe he was giving her the space to process but then she worried if he just didn't know what to say.  This was awkward and a mistake.  She turned away, her hands going over her face and groaned, "Oh my god.  I dragged you away from a PARTY, made you take your FRIEND'S car, and now you're stuck in a parking lot in the middle of the night with a complete mess of a girl!"

 

She felt his hand gentle on her shoulder and his voice quiet but sure, "I hate parties."

 

She peeked at him through her hands and saw the small smirk on his face.  She removed them completely as she saw his face settle into something more somber.  His voice was even quieter when he spoke next, "My parents both died when I was younger.  I lived with my grandmother but she passed this summer which is why I moved here.  To live with my sister.  She's all I have left."

 

Jyn didn't even think about it when she reached across the console and grabbed his hand.  She hoped that she saw sympathy but also her gratitude.  It was the most words she had ever heard him say in one go and he was sharing his sadness with her, sharing his vulnerability, to tell her that she was not alone.

 

Jyn didn't know what to say to that.  The look that she found on his face was mirrored, she thought, by the look on her own.  She knew that she was attracted to him.  She knew that she only felt clear in the little bit of time she'd spent with him.  She knew that he was possibly the only other person in this world who knew how she felt at this moment.

 

She leaned across the console to gently press her lips to his.  She pulled back to gauge his reaction but felt his hand slide up the side of her cheek and into her hair, gently pushing her back to him.  His lips were firmer this time, sliding into a natural rhythm with her own.  Jyn had kissed a few boys before but none like this.  Those had been fumbling exercises in too much of something.  Too much tongue.  Too much saliva.  Too much teeth clashing.  Too much.

 

This was like breathing, like she had been doing it forever and always.  She felt him smile against her lips as she carded her fingers through his soft hair and she bit at his lower lip in retaliation.  He immediately opened his mouth and tilted his head and pushed her more firmly into him as if he couldn't get close enough to her, his tongue pressing back against hers in time. 

 

After a while the impediment of the stick shift became too much and they moved to the tiny but slightly more spacious backseat.  Kes kept a blanket back there (for romantic picnics, Cassian had told her with a grin) and they wrapped themselves around each other.  Him over her, his mouth on her neck, her hand sliding up his shirt, him yelping at how bitterly cold her touch was.  They laughed and kissed and forgot for a while about dead and dying loved ones and the meanness of adolescence and an uncertain future. 

Jyn fell asleep with Cassian behind her, his arm curled around her waist underneath the blanket, the slow inhale and exhale of his breath on her neck.

 

 

Jyn woke to the buzzing of her phone.  Her breath came out in frozen swirls and she couldn't be bothered to get out from the warm cocoon of Cassian's weight behind her.  She felt his hand flex on her waist and then slide to intertwine their fingers.  "Hey," he breathed into her hair and she shivered at the way it carried across her neck.

 

She turned to face him slightly, brown eyes peering up through his lashes at her, sleepy and calm.  "Hey-" she started but he cut her off with a sweet kiss.

 

Buzz.

 

Jyn groaned but reluctantly extracted herself from their nest.  She didn't know what time it was.  How far was she past her curfew?  She looked at the flip phone.  5:00 am.  10 missed calls from her house.  She was going to be in trouble when she got home, for sure.  She turned back to see Cassian, hair disheveled, lips swollen, eyes sleepy, and found that she did not care.

 

 

As they pulled up to her house, the gray moments of first light illuminating their clasped hands, Jyn kissed Cassian one more time.  Unlike the heated desperateness of the kisses of the late night, this one was sweet and light and spoke of a future.  Cassian kissed her like this was only the beginning, the start of a million kisses and more.  It was comfortable and confident and so full of hope. 

 

This was the kiss that she would remember most when she allowed her brain to follow that track of memory.  This was the kiss that would haunt her.

 

Because this was the last kiss.

 

This was the last kiss because when Jyn entered her house, it wasn't her parents that met her, upset that she'd disappeared and broken curfew and spent the night with a boy.  She was met by her aunt with tired, red-rimmed eyes who was there to take her to the hospital because this was it; the time that she had been dreading.

 

Jyn sat by the hospital bed with her mother's frail, cold hand wrapped around her own, squeezing gently, a last comfort to her beloved only child.  It wasn’t long until she took her final breath.

 

……………………

 

If Jyn had been in a dull haze before her mother's death, after it had been positively dense and otherworldly.  The days, weeks, and months following had been a blur of condolences and pitying faces.  She didn't want to go back to school and her father had agreed.  How could she go back there, now that everything had changed? 

 

Galen Erso decided on a sabbatical year from his professorship at Yavin University and took his daughter to bright and sunny California to visit his old friend, Saw.  Jyn finished the few credits of high school she had left under their tutelage and, having decided that the California sun suited her better than the painful memories of the gray East Coast, applied to and easily got into UCLA.

 

Cassian called a few times, left a few messages, but Jyn couldn't find the strength to converse back.  That night, so lovely and bright, was now tinged with the bitter melancholy and permanent grief of her mother's death.  Grief manifests in a lot of different ways.  For Jyn Erso, it was the inescapable necessity to run away.

 

Cassian seemed to get the message.  He didn't pursue her further.  She sometimes wondered what had become of the lanky, dark-haired boy with the sad eyes and perfect mouth.

 

……………

 

_Now_

 

She had wondered but now here he was, many years later, looking very much grown up and standing in her doorway and she found that she had no words to say, only sheer panic.

 

So she mumbled a breathy, "Cassian," and then something about having to go somewhere as she awkwardly barreled past him, trying at all costs not to touch him.

 

_What the fuck?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor babies. 
> 
> Also, the universe is not done karking up Jyn's day just yet. 
> 
> That being said, less angst tomorrow. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. :)


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More awkward surprises for Jyn. Jyn and Cassian hash things out. Fluff on the horizon.

Guardian Montessori was two blocks away from Yavin's campus and Jyn took the ten minute walk there to decompress.  Cassian Andor had after all these years barged back into her life with no warning and she was not prepared by the emotions that she was feeling.  He looked good, really good actually when she paused to remember their interaction.  He was still on the lanky side but had filled out with what she assumed was lean muscle.  His hair was well-groomed and slicked back in an effortless way.  He had a close-cut beard that framed those cheekbones, sharper now that the fullness of youth had faded.  He looked so good and she was not prepared.

 

He also did not appear to have been flustered by her so he must have known that she was coming.  Dammit.

 

As she trudged up the steps to the brick school, she searched the groupings of waiting parents for a familiar face.  Shara was waving at her from her spot along a retaining wall.  Although Shara was still not really more than an acquaintance, Jyn was fully ready to spill about her encounter with Cassian.  She needed to vent to someone (who was NOT her father) and that's how one developed intimacy right?  The sharing of vulnerable information?  She opened her mouth to speak but stopped short because of a conversation that was happening in the group of women to their left.

 

"He is so hot!  If I wasn't married, I would definitely try to hit that," a perfectly coiffed blonde in a North Face jacket and black yoga pants simpered.

 

"Well, I'm not so maybe I'll make a pass," another blonde woman in a nearly identical outfit with ridiculous lashes that Jyn deduced had to be fake remarked, "Too bad he apparently doesn't date other parents here."

 

Jyn looked at Shara questioningly, her curiosity piqued, and mouthed _Who?_

 

Shara just rolled her eyes with an exaggerated silent groan but was interrupted before she could speak by the tittering of the women once again.

 

"There he is, ladies.  And hot damn he looks especially fine today!" exclaimed the woman Jyn now referred to in her head as Eyelashes.

 

Jyn couldn't help but follow their attention to the steps leading up to the school.  For the second time that day, Jyn nearly fell on the floor.

 

Hot Dad, apparent subject of lust for all the elementary school moms, was no other than freaking Cassian Andor.  Jesus Christ, Jyn was going to die.

 

He had rolled up the sleeves of his button down to reveal firm forearms and Jyn noticed unwillingly that, with the aid of his jeans, his ass had also (like a fine wine) grown well with age.  An errant piece of hair swept across his forehead as he turned his head from side to side, searching.  Jyn tucked herself behind Shara, the urge to melt into the wall unavoidable, but felt her stomach sink again as he nodded in Shara's direction and she waved in return.  He was apparently here to haunt and torture her.

 

"Shara," he acknowledged as he came to her side.

 

"Cassian," she returned with the warmth of familiarity.

 

Jyn saw the moment he saw her, horribly failing to subtly hide, and saw his eye brows raise in surprise this time, "Jyn?"

 

Well shit.  She gave a begrudging smile and half assed wave and was bracing for the moment when Shara would ask how they knew each other and she would have to explain it in all its awkward glory or lie spectacularly.  She couldn't even vent now to her about him because it would probably be weird. She was saved by the doors swinging open and a mass of children spilling out into the yard.  She could see Arlo and Poe barreling towards them in all of the chaos and forgot about it all as her son's arms wrapped around her waist.  She leaned down to kiss him, "Hello, Nugget.  How was school today?" 

 

"It was soooo great!" he enthusiastically explained, "Mr. Malbus has a pet boa constrictor and Mr. Imwe taught us Tai Chi!  I'm basically a Ninja now!"

 

Jyn chuckled, her hand carding through his sandy hair, her lips moving across his forehead, "Oh that's wonderful, dear.  You can protect me."

 

Arlo suddenly turned away from her and said, "Hi, Mr. Cassian!"

 

Jyn nearly got whiplash as she turned in shock to meet Cassian's eyes.  She looked down and realized that he was grasping onto Evie's hand, the little girl tucked into his side.  Oh.

 

Cassian tentatively turned his eyes away from Jyn as if he was scared that she would pounce if he took his attention off of her and cautiously addressed Arlo, "Hello, Arlo.  Sorry I missed you guys that last few days.  I was away."

 

"Miss Jyn, this is my dad," Evie's voice was soft and as Jyn looked into her magnified eyes she realized that they were Cassian's.  How could she have missed that?

 

Jyn breathed deeply and extended her hand.  It was best to keep up appearances for the children since it seemed that they would be in each other's constant presence in the future and the kids didn't need to know about the gory details of their past.  "Jyn Erso.  Nice to meet you," she met his eye with a dare.

 

He was puzzled at first but she saw the faint smirk that pulled at his mouth as he returned her grasp and replied, "Cassian Andor."

 

His hand was warm and firm and slightly calloused and she felt the shock of tense energy that was still there between them, all these years and so much life later.

 

 …………………

 

Jyn had spent a fretful night full of anxious nerves and what ifs swirling through her brain.  It was the first day of classes at her new job.  Her child's best friend was Cassian's child.  She shared a freaking tiny office with him so there was no way that she could avoid him completely.  She had expected growth in this new chapter of her life, welcomed it even, but the universe seemed hell bent on throwing her in the deep end, cold turkey.

 

Jyn dropped off Arlo and Poe in their classroom as Shara had had a dentist appointment and Kes was working out of town.  She passed Cassian and Evie in the hallway on her way out and exchanged pleasantries but hurried away even though it looked like Cassian had more to say.

 

She was rushing so fast that she nearly ran into a group of the North Face Fembots (she was so proud of her new name).  "Jyn?!" a familiar voice made Jyn stop and she came face to face with none other than Kate from high school.

 

"Hello, Kate," she said politely, still anxious to leave but now surrounded by powdered faces and blown out hair.

 

"I didn't know you were back!  Do you have a child here?," her voice was that same saccharine lilt.  Jyn could see the wrinkles that lined her tan face despite the layers of make up.  She should have taken Jyn's advice in high school and quite literally laid off the tanning bed.

 

"Yes.  My son Arlo is in third grade.  We recently moved," Jyn tried to be polite though she was growing increasingly impatient.

 

"Oh!  My Harrison is in third grade too!  I guess we'll be seeing each other!" Kate squealed with fake enthusiasm but her face changed as her eyes fell behind Jyn's shoulder and her voice pitched lower, "Hi, Cassian."

 

Jyn turned slightly as Cassian came to stand next to her side, eyebrow raised.  She looked back at Kate and choked back laughter.  Kate was now turned aggressively towards Cassian, her chest out as she attempted to greet him in what Jyn thought was thinly veiled flirtation.  Kate was part of the "Cassian the Hot Dad Crew" too which was extra hilarious with how she had treated him when they were younger. 

 

Jyn had no use for this adolescent show from grown ass people so she rolled her eyes and pushed herself around the crowd, "It was nice to see you again, Kate.  If you would all excuse me, I need to get to work."

 

As she hurriedly descended the steps, she heard Cassian's rushed voice saying her name as he caught up with her, "Hey, do you want to walk with me?  You know, since we're going to the same place?"

 

She peered at him from the side of her eye but acquiesced with a curt, "Fine."

 

At first, it was just the pair of them walking side by side, but soon Cassian broke the chilly wall of ice between them, "So, um, you don't seem very happy to see me…"

 

Jyn kept her eyes forward as she replied, "Well you seemed just _thrilled_ to see me yesterday."

 

"I didn't know how you would react!" he defended, then, with a sigh, "I didn't know if you knew I would be there so I acted… cautiously."

 

"I didn't know," she was short.

 

"Obviously," he sighed, running his hand through his hair, "I am glad.  To see you."

 

She glanced at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes.  She groaned, "It's just, I was not expecting it and then the thing with our kids and it's just a lot, okay?"

 

He nodded before replying, "About that, full disclosure, I figured it out this summer that Arlo must be your child, him staying with your dad and all.  And the eyes.  But again, I didn't know how to approach it.  Your father didn't seem to recognize me so I didn't bring it up that we knew each other."

 

"Yeah, nobody knew about that, "the words tumbled out, her heart and her voice dropping, but she was not quite ready to go there yet so she changed subjects, "The kids like each other and that's all that matters."

 

Cassian was silent for a minute as they walked across the green, the giant oak trees creaky in the misty morning, but then he asked, his voice slightly higher, "Is Arlo's dad here too?"

 

Jyn closed her eyes and sighed for what felt like the twentieth time in as many minutes.  He seemed to be fishing but it was a valid question so she answered, "No.  He's not in the picture."  She was definitely not ready to tell him the story of how she was finishing her Graduate program and went to Europe and was in a pretty reckless time in her life and woke up two months later throwing up profusely and not remembering the name of the guy she slept with in Spain.

 

She wanted to ask about Evie's mother because she had noticed that he didn't wear a wedding ring and the whole Hot Dad thing but there was the picture of the beautiful woman and the cute baby who must be Evie on his desk.  They had arrived at their temporary building, however, and he did not offer so she did not ask.  And the lingering jealous part of her didn't want to know.

 

………………………

 

They settled into a hesitant if not pleasant truce.  They often walked to the office from the school together and Jyn found that the journey became less of an obligation of necessity (they _were_ going the same places, after all) and more of an enjoyable conversation between two people.  They avoided talk of the past and she found that skirting around it was easy when their children and shared profession were enjoyable subjects of discussion.  Cassian and Kes even helped her move into her house when she closed on it.

 

They even began having Friday night movie nights with the Damerons.  They rotated houses, ordering pizza and sharing snacks and blankets and Jyn found it to be one of the most enjoyable events of her week.  One Friday evening at the Damerons' she found herself looking at a picture on the fireplace mantle of the same woman on Cassian's desk in a tight embrace with Shara.  "Teresa," Shara had come up beside her, "Evie's mom.  Cassian's wife.  I miss her."

 

Jyn looked with shocked sympathy at her friend because the tone that she used was one of loss.  She had wondered about this woman, about Evie's mom, but had felt that it was not her place to ask unless the information was offered in the first place.  Her voice was quiet as she searched for the right thing to say, "What- what happened?  If I can ask?"

 

Shara looked back to the picture as she began, "Car accident.  When Evie was a baby."

 

Jyn felt an overwhelming sense of sadness.  The only thing that she could find appropriate to say was, "Oh."

 

They were interrupted by Kes, loud as ever, yelling from the kitchen about a friendly argument he and Cassian were having.  Jyn squeezed Shara's hand tightly, an understanding look passed between them, before they turned back towards the kitchen to go break the tie.

 

………………

 

The following Monday, Jyn found herself at her desk attempting to grade essays for her 20th Century Warfare class while Cassian held office hours.  She struggled during these times because his female (and sometimes male) students were just so obviously enamored with him and Jyn found it both hilarious and amusing to watch. 

 

"You've got the basic concept down but you keep referencing the Seven Years' War instead of the Hundred Years' War when comparing to the War of the Roses," Cassian said, with a patience that Jyn could never possess.

 

"Oh, I thought they were the same.  Can you explain it too me?" the blonde student leaned more heavily on her elbow on the table and Jyn could nearly see all the way down her low cut shirt.  Not that she was looking, it was just particularly obvious.

 

"Well, the Hundred Years' War and the War of the Roses were fought concurrently, one starting after the other with some entwining events," Jyn couldn't see Cassian's face but knew that the furrow that sometimes appeared between his eyebrows when he was concentrating or frustrated was present.  "The Seven Year' War was a few centuries later.  So not nearly the same time period.  Does that make sense?"

 

"I think so," the girl twittered, and oh god she was twirling her hair now, "But, Professor Andor, if you wanted to explain it to me further some time, I hang out at The Library, like the bar, on Thursday nights."

 

Cassian coughed and Jyn was nearly unsuccessful in holding back a cackle as he stood up abruptly and mumbled a few professional, noncommittal things and ushered the student out before closing the door.

 

"What?!" he turned to her perplexed but slight amusement coloring his voice.

 

The snort that Jyn released was definitely unladylike but she had been holding it in for an hour and could not help it, "Cassian, they soooo obviously want to get in your pants.  Every last one of them!"

 

Cassian stared at her in exasperation before he took his seat and twirled to face her, body relaxed against the back, "It's really awkward, you know!  Having to constantly redirect their attention.  I don't want any of it.  I'm so glad that you find my struggle entertaining!"

 

She continued to laugh, mirroring his relaxed pose, but stiffened when he said, a playful smile on his lips, "What about that student last week?  Didn't he invite you to a fraternity party?"

 

"Ugh, how do you remember that?  I had definitely forgotten.  Nearly a child, that one.  As a rule, I don't date students," she groaned but found herself genuinely curious, so she asked, "Did you ever?  Date a student, that is?"

 

His eyebrows raised and he huffed an amused breath but answered her, "No.  I was married and now- they just all seem so young."

 

Jyn nearly let her face show her startled expression because he had just acknowledged his wife.  He had never in two months mentioned her to Jyn although her presence was always kind of hovering outside the periphery, grouped with all of their other ghosts.  He had given her an opening so she stepped through the door, speaking gently, "I- Shara told me what happened.  I'm so sorry, Cassian."

 

His eyes fell for a moment but when they raised to meet her again from under his lashes, she saw the resigned sadness, dulled from the years but there nonetheless, "It was sudden, terrible.  I can handle it, have been.  I've been dealt a lot of loss in my life.  Evie, though-" his voice dropped off, "I don't know what's worse, knowing and losing your mother or losing and never knowing her."

 

He looked at her kindly but pointedly, an acknowledgement of her own loss, because she was the former.  They had avoided talking about that too. The answer came easily to her as she quietly said, "I'm still trying to figure that out."

 

He nodded, his head tilted informally against the back of the chair, and they stared at one another in comfortable silence, Jyn with her head on her arms on the desk, until the knock of the next student rapped loudly at the door.

 

……………………

 

The Damerons were at Kes' dad's lake house for the weekend so it was just the Ersos and the Andors.  Coco was playing and Arlo and Evie had requested more popcorn so Cassian was banished to the kitchen while Jyn manned the blanket fort in his living room.  They had gone all out and Evie had insisted that they dig out the Christmas lights two months early to drape on the top fabric of their tent.  The result was quite cozy and magical, if not a bit cramped.

 

"Jyn," Evie crawled up to Jyn, observing her very seriously, "How do you get your hair to do that?"

 

Jyn automatically ran her fingers down the braid that cascaded from her temple to her shoulder, "This braid?"

 

Evie nodded enthusiastically and when Jyn asked if she would like her to braid her hair, Evie squealed and turned around to settle in Jyn's lap.

 

Jyn gently finger-combed her thick, black hair back to her nape before skillfully working a small tight braid down the front.

 

Evie hummed pleasantly and murmured, "Mmmm that feels good."

 

Jyn chuckled and replied, "It's soothing.  My mother used to do this for me."

 

"My mommy died.  I don't remember her," Evie was very matter of fact in that way that children often are about serious things and Jyn started to panic because she had just walked right into that one.  She started to relax when Evie said, "But I'm glad you're here to do it."

 

Jyn leaned down to press a quick peck to the top of her head with a, "Me too, kiddo."  When she looked back up, Cassian was leaning in the doorway, staring at them.  How long had he been there?  Jyn couldn't decipher his expression as he pushed off the frame and brought the much needed popcorn into the fort. 

 

Evie escaped to the foot of the blanket nest with Arlo, both greedily digging into the snack.  Cassian climbed to the back and laid down next to Jyn, looking at the screen at first.  When the children were once again engrossed in the movie, Jyn was startled to feel his hand grasp hers between their bodies.  She turned her face to look at him and found him already staring at her, loaded with emotion, eyes searching hers.  He mouthed _thank you_ as he squeezed her hand and she nodded with a sympathetic smile.  He didn't move to take his hand away nor did he look away.  She took a chance and entwined their fingers as he began to run his thumb along the ridges of her knuckles.  Jyn's cheeks colored as they remained like that, staring at each other underneath the blanketed glow of the twinkle lights, their children tucked in at their feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making mom friends is SUPER hard, like almost harder than dating (ALMOST). Unfortunately, at least in the US, it seems like a lot of the cliquey, competitive crap from high school transfers to female relationships during motherhood. I have exactly 2 good mom friends and one lives 1,000+ miles away. I imagine Shara and Jyn to be excellent mom friends, though.
> 
>  There is always an objectively Hot Dad at your kid's school and in this story, Cassian is it. Obviously.
> 
> Now, who's ready for Smutty Saturday? ;)


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian and Jyn get...closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why hello, rating change.
> 
> Posting early so that I can go enjoy some holiday lights with my little family this evening. :)

The move back into their normal offices happened the week of Thanksgiving.  Jyn attempted to put at least a box or two of books away in the new space before leaving for the holiday break when she heard a casual knock at the door.  Cassian leaned against the frame, his scarf tucked into his navy pea coat with the casualness of a GQ cover boy and his leather satchel slung over his shoulder.  "Hello, neighbor," he said with a grin.

 

Jyn smiled at that as she had been secretly lamenting their individual offices, used to his constant presence now as she was, "Really? "

 

He pointed to his left and lingered just a minute too long, staring at her with those dark eyes.  They did that lately.  Their stares lingered a little too long to seem merely friendly.  He brought her coffee (the way she liked it) almost every morning without request, fingers mingling with hers as he passed the cup off.  Jyn noticed that he seemed to gravitate towards her side of the couch during movie night, his thigh pressed against her own under a shared blanket, heat and electricity warming her up so much that she was sure that everyone else there could sense it. 

 

And then there were the texts.

 

**Cassian Andor:** Arlo left his lunchbox over here this afternoon. 

 

**Jyn:** That's fine.  Just bring it to school/the office tomorrow.  I'll pack it in a disposable bag tomorrow.

 

**Cassian Andor:** I can just pack it with what I pack Evie…he seems to like everything I make.

 

**Jyn:** Ugh.  I'm aware.  I am told how much better the food is at your house compared to the slop I serve on a regular basis. 

 

**Cassian Andor:** I'm sorry that my skills are much more colorful than yours. ;)

 

**Jyn:** No you are definitely the much better cook.  My cake is better, though.

 

**Cassian Andor:** Mmmm.  You do make good cake.

**Cassian Andor:** Not a euphemism.

 

**Jyn:** Lol.  Are you sure?  About the lunch (not the euphemism)?

 

**Cassian Andor:** Absolutely.  Besides, you wouldn't want to get caught by the North Face Crew sending a non-biodegradable, Earth-killing lunch receptacle.  Think of the scandal, Jyn!

 

**Jyn:** I love that you have taken to using my monikers.  Watch it, Cassian, someone might start to doubt that you're really the squeaky clean nice guy…

 

**Cassian Andor:** You've ruined me.

 

**Jyn:** Enhanced is the word you're looking for.  I've enhanced you.  Helped round out your image.

 

**Cassian Andor:** Sigh.  I guess you're right. :)

 

There was a chasteness to them at first but the frequency and lateness of when they occurred started to blur the edge of appropriateness.   They didn't happen every night, but at least once or twice a week, one or the other would comment on something innocuous in their shared life such as school gossip or a funny story one or both of their children had relayed.  Nothing nefarious in nature actually happened but the muted flirtation in their daily life bled through on the phone.

 

Then came the Holiday Concert.

 

Parents and grandparents were packed into the stuffy auditorium and space was becoming problematic.  Kes and Shara sat on the other side of her father as Jyn looked around the crowded room for Cassian's familiar face.  "Cassian not here yet?"  Galen said with a look that Jyn thought was a bit smug.

 

Jyn side eyed her father but her voice was light, "No but he said he would be running a little late so I'm saving a seat-"

 

Jyn's coat, the one that she had placed on the folding chair next to her, gently fell in her lap.  When she turned to  firmly tell the interloper that the seat was taken, she was met with a familiar face.

 

Jyn was writing an academic text with Ruescott Melshi on the impact of guerilla warfare tactics during the Vietnam War.  His son was a few grades ahead of hers.  They had gotten on very well in the process so far and had developed a bit of rapport.  He was smart, handsome, and kind and, if she was being honest, if she hadn't been so hung up on her non-thing with the ever-present Cassian, she might have been more flirtatious towards him. 

 

They talked before the concert and he made her laugh enthusiastically at one point.  As the lights began to dim, her eyes darted to Cassian leaning on a side wall of the now standing room only space.  He was staring at her with a darkness to him, his jaw set in the way it got when he was annoyed.  She looked back and raised her eyebrows at him.  He glared once more and then looked to the stage as the lights went up.

 

The children shuffled less than gracefully onto the elevated risers on the stage.  They were all decked out in reds and greens and antler headbands.  Chirrut Imwe stepped up to the podium between two tinseled Christmas trees and a paper mache Menorah, raising his arms parallel to the ground, the fake ermine sleeves of his Santa robe brushing the ground with great splendor.  Jyn was impressed when the children immediately quieted and then, with the flick of Chirrut's hand, began a lovely, if not slightly tone-deaf, rendition of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  Arlo waved enthusiastically at Jyn and her father to which they grinned and waved back.  She caught Cassian's eye with the movement before he was quickly looking away. 

 

It was like that for the remainder of the recital; Jyn feeling his energetic gaze upon her, him swiftly turning away when she went to meet it.  It reminded her so much of when they were younger; him staring at her, her answering with a pointed look.  Now, though, he refused to hold it.

 

After the recital, she tried to catch his eye as they waited for the children to meet them but he remained aloof and, while she was busy congratulating her son on his spirited vocalizations, he and Evie made a quick escape.  Jyn pushed down the irritation that he seemed mad at her.

 

Later that evening, after peppermint ice cream sundaes followed by a sugar crash at bed time for Arlo, Jyn still could not shake the nagging feeling that Cassian was mad at her.  She found that she did not like being the center of his ire and she pushed down the reason why it made her so uncomfortable.  She climbed into the flannel sheets and down comforter and felt herself sink into the soft mattress to release some stress before grabbing her phone from the bedside table.

 

**Jyn:** Hey.  I tried to catch you after the recital but you had gone.  I'm sorry about the seat.  I tried.

 

After no response for a few moments, Jyn sighed.  Why was he being such an ass?  Her phone finally buzzed.

 

**Cassian Andor** : Obviously not hard enough. Looked like good company.

 

Jyn groaned, head tilted back against her headboard.  Oh, so that was it.  It's not like he had tried to make a pass at her other than the fleeting looks and the frustrating barely there touches. 

 

**Jyn:** Are you seriously jealous?

 

**Cassian Andor:** Why would I be jealous?

 

**Jyn:** Because the way you were looking at me made me think that you were jealous or at least mad at me.  And you left without talking to me.

 

Another minute passed and Jyn thought that maybe she had misread something, maybe it had all been in her head and he was angry at her for another reason.  She couldn't deny that her stomach sank at the thought.  Buzz.

 

**Cassian Andor:** Fine.  I was jealous even though I know that I have no right to be.  It makes me cranky.

 

**Cassian Andor:** You looked really pretty tonight.

 

 

Jyn smiled a bit at that, relieved that they were sort of back on the same page.  It made her feel bold.

 

**Jyn** : What did you like?

 

His response was nearly immediate.

 

**Cassian Andor** : I like it when you wear your hair down.  That green shirt makes your eyes crazy bright.

 

**Cassian Andor:** I like it when you wear that skirt because I imagine running my hands up your thighs to your ass underneath it.

 

**Cassian Andor:**   Too much?

 

**Jyn:** Do continue…

 

**Cassian Andor:** What underwear did you have on?

 

Jyn felt herself blushing as she smiled furiously.  She and Cassian were most definitely sexting right now.  Wow.

 

She pulled down the sheet over her lap , lifted the oversized t-shirt that she had on, and snapped a picture of the black laser cut and lace bikinis that hugged her pale hips.  Send.

 

**Cassian Andor** :  Oh wow.  I think I just had a stroke.

 

**Jyn** : Get ahold of yourself, Andor.  You're getting lucky here. ;D

 

**Cassian Andor:**   Trying my best but you're making it hard.  Very, very hard.

 

**Jyn** :  I'm sure I am…

 

**Cassian Andor:**   Again with the filthy mouth.

 

**Jyn** :  You love my filthy mouth.  In fact, you should probably tell me where you want it.

 

**Cassian** : Oh my god.  You’re terrible.

 

**Cassian:** The answer is everywhere.

 

**Cassian:**   Please tell me that you're touching yourself.

 

Jyn had no idea that sarcastic banter with the jealous dad of her son's friend, her crush from high school, was a turn on but when she slipped a hand underneath the hem of her underwear, she found herself incredibly

 

**Jyn:** Wet.  So wet.

 

**Cassian Andor:**   Oh god.  I really truly wish that I was there.  I want to feel you.  I want to pull your panties off and feel you on my fingers.

 

Jyn rhythmically rubbed at her clit as she imagined his rough fingertips there instead of her own.  She put the phone down and ran her other hand up under her shirt to palm her breast.  She imagined Cassian taking one of her nipples into his mouth and worrying it between his teeth as she pinched lightly.

 

Buzz.

 

Jyn breathed heavily as she slowed her ministrations to pick up the phone.  Cassian was calling her.

 

"Hey," his voice was heavy.

 

"Hey," hers was breathy.

 

"I, uh, want to hear you," he admitted and she could practically hear his blush over the phone and the thought brought heat to her face as well.

 

"Ok," she looked toward her closed door.  Her son's room was on the other side of the house.  She turned the speaker phone on and placed it by her head.  She resumed her rhythmic stroking, releasing a moan as she did, "What are you doing right now?"

 

She could hear him breathing heavily, "Touching myself.  Pretending it's your hand instead of mine."

 

She bit her lip and replied,"Same.  In my mind, you just slipped two fingers into me.  So so easily,"  as she did just that.

 

He groaned audibly, "Fuck.  I want you so bad right now.  Have for a while."

 

She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes at that because she had as well and it felt so good to finally scratch that itch.  "I decided where I want my mouth.  I would lick the tip of you and then take you in as deep as I could," her smile curled up wickedly as she enjoyed his moans, "and I'd almost make you come but then I'd stop."

 

He sounded wounded as he begged," No please don't do that-"

 

"I wasn't finished," she cut him off, "I'd stop because I want to fuck you."

 

"And how do you presume to do that?" he asked although his voice was strained.  She had never heard him like this but she knew him well enough to know that he was close.

 

Jyn alternated the pumping of her fingers inside herself with firmly stroking circles on her clit, her wetness dripping down her thighs, "I would straddle you on top and tease your cock until you begged.  Then I would ride you until you were almost there and I already was.  Where do you want me now?  What would make you come?"

 

"Fuck.  I want to be behind you so that I can grab your thighs and kiss your neck and spread you and be so deep inside you," his voice was strained, so close to letting go.

 

So was she, her release hovering just barely beyond her grasp," I want you to come inside me, Cassian."

 

That did it.  As she heard him go over the edge and take his pleasure from her words, she furiously rubbed herself until breathless and high pitched wisps of air escaped her lips and her brain short circuited.

 

Wow.

 

She breathed heavy for a few moments, basking in the afterglow of the powerful orgasm.  From the sounds on the phone, she could tell Cassian was doing the same.

 

"You're definitely going to be the death of me, Jyn," he exerted, a pleasant exhaustion in his voice.

 

She hadn't heard her name on his lips in that capacity since she was seventeen, "Maybe so."

 

"See you at school tomorrow?" he asked, a little nervously.

 

"Mmmhmm," she hummed, "Goodnight, Cassian."

 

"Indeed," he huffed, "Goodnight, Jyn."

 

After she hung up, Jyn just stared at the ceiling, waiting for her body to come back down to Earth.

 

Well, that escalated quickly.

 

…………………

 

Jyn spent the whole next day spiraling somewhere between panic (at seeing Cassian in the flesh), confusion (what if he ignored what had happened?  Would she be okay with that?), and lustful thoughts (because, fuck, that shit was hot and the memories were throwing her for a loop). 

 

She also remembered that it was Friday so it was pizza and movie night.  That was their thing now.  With the recent and very welcome addition of covert cuddling.  Every Friday.  And that evening, without the Damerons.

 

How could she be in close physical proximity to Cassian after what happened last night especially with their kids near?

 

She had successfully avoided him at work all day (finals week and all that) so when she felt him stand next to her in the school lobby, unsuccessfully hiding under the cover of a lit evergreen, her stomach actually flipped.  Apparently she had reverted back to a hormonal teenager.

 

"I can almost hear your head spinning out.  Quit it," he whispered in her ear, breath grazing her neck.  Not helping.

 

She turned to meet his eyes.  He smiled down at her.  His shoulder relaxed against hers as he leaned into the wall.  His hand slyly slid across her lower back.  Well, he wasn't ignoring it.

 

Cassian did allow some space when Shara arrived.  Thank god.  Jyn was not ready for that conversation yet.

 

The kids finally came running out to greet their parents.  Evie had an eye doctor appointment so Evie and Cassian parted off at the end of the street, promising to bring the pizza over later.  Before rounding the corner, Cassian and Jyn shared a look and a smile.  Jyn couldn't help the blush that grew hot up her neck.

 

"What was that?" Shara pointed at Jyn then pointed at the corner where Cassian had just vanished.  Shit.

 

"It's nothing," Jyn started but Shara gave her a look that said _I don't believe you_ so she continued," I don't know what _that_ is.  It's something.  I don't know what it is or if I want it.  I don’t know."

 

Shara considered her friend, amusement under her firm tone, "Well when I get back from this weekend with the in-laws, I demand answers."

 

Jyn shrugged, "I’ll try my best."

 

Shara raised an eyebrow, "Uh huh.  I'm sure you will."

 

……………………………

 

Evie burst through the front door at 7:30 and ran directly upstairs. 

 

Jyn collected herself in the kitchen before the man at the forefront of her mind walked through the doorway.  He set down the pizza on the island and the two just looked at each other for a moment.

 

Just as he took two steps to round the counter to reach her, Arlo and Evie flew through, grabbing plates and slices of pizza.

 

They watched Wonder Woman and ate pizza and popcorn.  Cassian was on the opposite side of the couch from Jyn with the children in between them.  Jyn felt his gaze on her constantly, moody eyes looking at her from under long lashes.  It all became too terribly much so mid way through the movie, she stood up to go get something to drink.

 

 In the kitchen, she stood in front of the refrigerator, filling her cup from the attached ice machine.  Two arms wrapped around her waist from behind.  She knew he would follow her.

 

She sunk back into his chest and he breathed deeply into her exposed neck.  He began to press hot, open mouthed kisses up her neck, across her jaw, until he moved her hair away from her ear so he could suck at it.

 

She turned around in his arms to look up at him.  His handsome face seemed so vulnerable and open and it was making her slightly uncomfortable to be the subject of such an intense gaze.  They had just had dirty, filthy phone sex less than twenty-four hours before but he was looking at her in awe, like she was precious in a way other than lustful to him.

 

He stared down at her lips, then back to her eyes.  Jyn closed the gap and kissed him.

 

It was gentle at first, just a light, tentative pressure.  They pulled back but then Cassian grabbed both sides of her face and their lips met again, this time with more force.  Jyn gripped his sides and when his tongue ran along the edge of her lip, asking for entrance, she moved her hands up along his firm back.

 

She tilted her head, welcoming his searching tongue with her own, biting down on his lower lip, eliciting a moan.  It was as if her lips recognized his own even after all of this time, their movements easily synching with one another. 

 

One hand moved down her torso, grazing her breast, side, and waist and moved up under her shirt.  She gasped when he found bare skin.  He moved her back until she hit the island.  He gripped her thighs tightly as he lifted her onto the counter, legs spread wide around him.

 

"No skirt today," he whispered against her neck as he sucked at her throat, "Shame."

 

"You're not getting in my pants with our children in the next room," she stated, but she moaned when he bit her clavicle.

 

"They're preoccupied.  And I'm half way there," he said as his fingers migrated and began to open the button of her jeans.

 

She swatted his hands away but she was laughing and he grabbed her wrists and kissed her again, "Maybe we should have a sleepover."

 

"I'll make you a deal," she said between kisses, "If they're asleep at the end of the movie, then sleepover."

 

He smiled into her kiss, grinding his obvious arousal to meet her center, "Deal."

 

 

After calming down a bit, Cassian and Jyn rejoined the movie.  The kids were indeed asleep by the end and the snow outside was nearly a white out.  What a perfect excuse.  Jyn helped Cassian get Evie set up in the guest room and tucked Arlo to sleep in his bed.

 

"Daddy, where will you sleep?"  Evie asked groggily.

 

"I'll be down on the couch, sweetheart," Jyn heard Cassian tell her.

 

She moved down the hall to her bedroom.  She kind of hoped that he would be joining her.  She heard the guest room door gently close and Cassian's footsteps behind her.

 

He appeared in the doorway and looked about to make his approach when a door opened.  "Mom!  I don't like the storm," Arlo's voice whisper-yelled down the hall.  A flicker of light and a crack of thunder rolled over the house.  Of course there would be thundersnow.  Of course.

 

Both Cassian and Jyn's shoulders and heads dropped with audible sighs.  Jyn walked to the door and grabbed his hand, "Take the bed.  I'll be back when I can."

 

He nodded and leaned down with a tired smile to give her a gentle kiss and squeeze of her hand before turning into her bedroom.

 

 

 

Jyn woke up in her son's bed.  She had meant to just comfort him until he fell asleep but she must have fallen asleep as well.

 

It was still dark out and the thunder had stopped but she heard faint bird noises outside the window.  Morning already.

 

With a final smell of her son's hair and a kiss to the forehead, Jyn extracted herself from his grip.

 

 

She could see the lump of Cassian's form under the covers on the far side of her bed.  As she moved closer, she saw that he slept with most of his face burrowed under the comforter so that only his sleep mussed hair stuck out the top.

 

The sight made her deliriously happy.

 

She gently crawled in and shuffled over to curl up next to him. 

 

He woke slightly from the movement and wrapped his arm around her waist.  She buried her nose in his chest, "Sorry it took so long.  I fell asleep."

 

She felt him shake his head from it's place on top of hers as he mumbled, "I fell asleep too."

 

Jyn had an abrupt flashback to a night long ago in a car wrapped up just like this with this same man.  His sweetness.  Her mother dying.  All of a sudden Jyn felt her anxiety ramp up.  This was moving so fast.  This sweet man was in her bed and they weren't even messing around.  Just cuddling.  After all these years.

 

Cassian must have felt her tension because he lifted his head away from her, now stroking her arm gently, and asked, "Hey, what's going on?"

 

Why was he so in tune with her emotions?  He was somehow immune to the walls she had spent years cultivating.  Maybe he saw through them because he was one of the few people who knew her before the walls were cemented in the first place, even if it was only for a brief moment in time. It was all too much.

 

She thought about saying that it was nothing but instead her mouth blurted out, "This feels like too much for me.  Like I don't want you to stop but I'm panicking.  I'm not good at this."

 

Cassian paused, obviously taken back by her reaction.  He leaned away from her onto his back with his hand rubbing his eyes, "So let me get this straight, the explicit phone sex was fine but this," his hand now gestured between them, "Is too much?"

 

Jyn sighed as she tried to come up with the words that conveyed her feelings but didn't push him away.  "I just don't normally do this," she stammered.

 

"What?  Like share a bed with your kid's friend's parent?" he inquired.

 

Jyn worried with the edge of the sheet, "Like, with anyone," she replied, "so the phone sex seems easier than this.  I feel less vulnerable."

 

Cassian turned back on his side and reached for her face. " Hey.  Look at me," he began.  "I don't do this often either.  Never with my kid under the same roof, actually.  And it's me.  We'll figure it out.  Okay?"

 

Jyn nodded and melted back into his chest, his warm arms wrapped around her.

 

……………………

 

When she next woke, Jyn became very aware of a hand trailing up her hip to her waist, grazing the side of her breast, and back down its path. 

 

Cassian was pressed into her from behind, his mouth pressing kisses into the base of her neck.  She couldn't help but press her hips back to meet his obvious arousal.

 

Sensing her alertness, he pushed gently down on her hip so that she came to rest on her back.  He hovered over her and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.  The heat in his eyes belied his actual, less gentle motive as he began moving down her body, peppering kisses in his wake.

 

He lifted her shirt and she shuttered as his mouth took in her nipple, sucking and biting just like she had imagined him doing.  His hands migrated down and his mouth followed, marking a heated trail along her stomach.

 

His fingers curled around both her sleep pants and the hem of her underwear and he tugged both from her raised hips at the same time.  He pulled them off her ankles and climbed between her legs, kissing the inside of her thighs as he made his way up.  His eyes met hers and with a nod from her, he was there.

 

His mouth was magnificent.  He licked and sucked and moaned into her, holding her hips down with his arm when she involuntarily bucked them up.  When he slipped a finger into her, she reached down to grip his hair and run her nails into his scalp.

 

When he added another finger and told her, "You taste so good," she had to bite her lip to keep from moaning too loud.  A few more generous flicks of his tongue and she was coming hard, clenching around his fingers.

 

As she came back down, she lightly tugged at his hair and he moved up her body, tugging at his boxers as he did because she had waited long enough, decades enough, for this.

 

He slid into her with no effort, wet and relaxed as she was, eliciting a sigh from them both.  For a minute he just stayed still, forehead to hers, eyes closed, and her body stretched to accommodate his hardness.

 

When he began to move, she wrapped her legs around him, taking him in as deep as she could.  He kissed her gently at first, then with more passion as their movements became more frenetic and desperate.  Jyn had never had sex like this before.  It was comfortable.  Easy.  It wasn't dirty like the phone or even their make out session from the night before.  They laughed and smiled and it was so so sweet.

 

She was already so close again, still sensitive from before, and the vulnerability was actually making her feel incredibly emotional.  She locked eyes with Cassian and the intensity she found there made her shatter around him.

 

Seconds later, he was spilling into her, his head tucked into her neck, panting against her throat.  His weight fell heavy on top of her but it was pleasant and safe. 

 

After a few minutes, he looked up at her, chin perched on her chest, and said, a lazy smile on his face , "Good morning."

 

She couldn't help but smile in return, "Good morning."

 

They were interrupted by the sound of a plastic cup hitting the floor downstairs.  Cassian's eyes widened in panic, "They're up before us."

 

Jyn thought for a moment, rhythmically grazing his back, before saying, "Get in the shower."

 

Cassian's eyebrows raised," The shower excuse?  Really?"

 

"Do you have a better idea?" she countered.

 

Cassian groaned, shook his head, and slowly pulled out of her and climbed out of the bed.  She missed him immediately.

 

Jyn cleaned herself off, brushed her hair, and put on new pajama pants and a robe.  With a final look at Cassian's naked form in her shower, she headed downstairs.

 

She heard the faint noise of cartoons from the living room and found Arlo and Evie wrapped up in a few blankets, toaster waffles and Gogurt in hand.

 

"Hey, Mom," Arlo mumbled around a full mouth.

 

"Hi, Jyn.  Where's my dad?" Evie asked.

 

Jyn bent down to kiss the top of Arlo's head as she said in her most nonchalant voice, "He wanted to take a shower.  He'll be down in a minute."

 

Evie seemed to find this an acceptable answer and returned her focus to the screen.

 

…………………

 

As December rolled on, Jyn only found a few times to be alone with Cassian.  It wasn't like they could pull a sleepover every night and finals and the holidays had everyone pressed for time.  It was still too early in their relationship or whatever it was to have a discussion with the kids and said kids were pretty observant so they took precautions not to get caught.  The few rushed minutes they did find were hasty but magical.

 

Arlo and Evie spent a Sunday afternoon at the Dameron house.  Cassian fucked her on his couch, her arms clutching the back as he held her to his chest from behind, because they couldn't even make it to his bedroom.  His socks even stayed on.

 

"Ughhhhh, grossss!" was Shara's response upon their flushed, late retrieval of their children. 

 

When Cassian, hair still askew, looked shocked at Jyn, Shara groaned, "You think you're being sneaky.  You can't hide from me!  Also, congrats.  It's about damn time."

 

 

 

Of course there was the obligatory phone sex.  They were good at phone sex.

 

Now Jyn straddled Cassian's lap, skirt lifted to her hips, hands clutching the back of his desk chair and his tense shoulders alternately.  What had started as an innocent lunch date in his office had turned into this: his hands firmly gripping her ass as she rode him vigorously, his mouth biting at the column of her neck.  "You feel so good," she breathed curled around his ear, "I'm so close."

 

"God, I want you all the time," he replied into her collarbone, furiously slamming his hips up to meet her rhythm.

 

Knock knock.

 

Lunch break or no, they were still in the professional halls of academia.

 

"No!" Jyn whined quietly at the same time that Cassian gritted out, "Fuck!"

 

She smiled sweetly down at him and he sighed deeply once more into her chest before lifting her from him, adjusting and zipping up his pants.

 

Jyn took a minute to retrieve her underwear from across the room and get herself together.  "Ah-Galen-," Cassian's voice was tinged with panic, "Can I- uh- help you?"

 

Jyn froze, her ankle raised as she attempted to put on her heel.  Oh god, what was her father doing here?!

 

"I was just looking for Jyn.  Wanted to see if she wanted to go get lunch," his voice had a peculiar amusement to it.  "Your tie is um-"

 

Jyn was mortified as she watched Cassian quickly adjust his askew tie and collar from behind the cracked door.  Her eyes widened further when she heard her father yell past his shoulder, "I see you have other lunch plans, dear.  Dinner this evening?"

 

Cassian was now leaning heavily on the door and she thought he might collapse from sheer embarrassment as she croaked, "Um, yeah.  6 ok?"

 

Galen chuckled as he agreed, "Sounds good.  And-" he turned his attention back to Cassian, "You and Evie are invited as well, Cassian."

 

After his footsteps echoed down the hall, Cassian shut the door and turned around to face Jyn and Jyn had never seen such a terrified look on his face.  She burst out laughing.

 

"Did we just get caught by your dad?!" Cassian's eyes were still wide and his face was pale.

 

Jyn nodded furiously around her laughter, "Yep!  It was humiliating!"

 

"I mean, at least he seems kind of okay with the idea of us?  Of me?" Cassian shrugged.

 

Jyn nodded and they fell into a fit of laughter.

 

…………

 

The children had finished eating and had relocated to Arlo's room with the bunk beds and Jyn was helping to clear the table.  "So you two are dating then?" she stopped short for a beat at her father's voice.

 

Cassian and she had not actually stopped to discuss what exactly they were.  They were just making up for nearly a decade and a half of lost physical intimacy, only really skirting around the conversation that needed to be had.

 

Cassian answered when her words failed her, "Um, yes-"

 

She cut him off nervously, "-we haven't been on a date yet…"

 

"-but we're going to do that…"Cassian stammered and Jyn thought that this was just great.

 

"Mhm," Galen looked between them, "And when is this date?"

 

Cassian looked at Jyn, slight panic and something else, a twinkle in his eye, as he said, "Saturday night…"

 

His tone was a statement but the way he drug out the last syllable and shrugged a little was much like a question.  She picked it up from there, "Yes, Saturday night.  We were going to ask if you could watch the kids."

 

It was very obvious to Jyn that her father did not believe their obvious ruse but he nodded, "Right…very good then.  Do you want them to stay over?"

 

Jesus Christ, he was going to make her say it wasn't he?  Fuck it, Jyn thought, he had already caught them before.  "If you wouldn't mind," she said with the straightest face she could muster.

 

"Right then," Galen turned back into the dining room leaving Jyn to load the dishwasher and Cassian stunned in silence.

 

"Did he just-" Cassian started, mouth agape.

 

Jyn's eyes widened as she exhaled, "Yup.  He sure did."

 

Jyn felt Cassian slide behind her, his hand on her hip and his voice in her ear, "You want to go on a date with me?"

 

Jyn leaned back into his warmth and nodded, "Of course I do, you idiot."

 

…………

 

The class holiday party at Guardian Montessori was the final day of their children's classes.  Both Jyn and Cassian had turned in final grades the day before and were free to attend and volunteer.  Their date also loomed the next evening.

 

They had a few hours between dropping the kids off at school and the start of the party so Jyn invited Cassian over to help her decorate the chocolate cupcakes she was tasked with bringing.  That was a fine idea, except that Cassian "helped" by grinding on her ass and unbuttoning her pants as she tried to fill a pastry bag with buttercream.  When he pushed her jeans down further and slid a finger in her underwear, his mouth moving in rhythmic patterns on her neck and shoulder, she dropped the spatula and bag and gave in to his ministrations.

 

Two orgasms and a ruined dish towel later, Jyn was hurriedly trying to ice the cupcakes, her swirls less than perfect mounds on each as she simultaneously rushed and laughed at Cassian's futile task of finding his clothes where they had been strewn haphazardly around the kitchen.  When she lamented that the cupcakes were not as perfect as they normally were, Cassian took to liberally dumping streams of red, green, and white sprinkles and crystal sanding sugar on top because, "No one will know now!  Look they're festive!  Let me fix this, it is my fault!"

 

She kissed the smirk off his face, because yes it was, but she couldn't complain at that type of distraction and she was deliriously happy.

 

………………

 

"Ummm, I hope that that is buttercream," Shara's smile was knowing and mischievous and Jyn really hoped that she was right.

 

She swiped her hair and, yes thank god, it was frosting and not other things that are truly inappropriate for a school setting.  She shot Shara a pointed look as the other woman was about to break out in laughter.

 

"Ok!  Ok!" Shara started to help Jyn with cupcake placement on the table, sincerity coloring her voice, "I'm happy for you.  Both of you.  You're good for each other."

 

Jyn felt her cheeks color but waited to respond until two girls had made their selection and moved away from the table.  Her voice was quiet beneath the chaotic jumble of elementary voices, "Thanks, Shara.  That means a lot."

 

Shara wrapped her arm around Jyn's shoulders and, because she was one of the few Jyn would allow this affection, Jyn leaned her head on her shoulder.  When she tried to rub the buttercream trapped in her hair playfully onto Shara's shoulder, Shara jumped away with a shriek. 

 

"Hi, Cassian," Jyn stopped short at the familiar purr of Kate's voice from a few feet away.  When she glanced over to where he was manning the juice box station, she saw Kate's manicured hand on his bicep.  She tensed, the odd feeling of possessiveness creeping into her stomach.

 

"I was just wondering what you were doing on Saturday night?" Kate inquired sweetly.  Cassian opened his mouth as if to speak but she steamrolled him, "Because the Richardson's are having their annual party and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.  It's always such a great time."

 

"I'm flattered but I can't Kate," Jyn felt some tension unravel just a bit when she heard his voice, polite but firm.

 

Kate didn't seem to get the hint to give up, "If it's a childcare issue, I have a great sitter.  Evie is more than welcome to hang out with Harrison.  I know that you normally don't go on dates with other parents but I thought since you're single-"

 

"I'm not.  Single, that is," Cassian's voice tumbled out all at once so fast that Jyn nearly fell over.

 

"Oh," Kate's voice sounded tight, "I didn't know.  Must not be that serious if-"

 

Jyn watched as Cassian turned to face Kate more fully now, "It's very serious.  I'm sorry I didn’t fill everyone in on it."

 

Kate's eyes were wide but she seemed to finally get it.  "Right.  Sorry," she said as she pushed passed him.

 

Jyn met Cassian's eye because she knew that he knew that she had heard everything.  She raised an eyebrow and he gave her a smile that was between suave and sheepish as he walked over to her.  They just stood there for a moment, in the middle of an elementary school holiday party, staring at each other like it was the most romantic setting in the whole world.

 

"I'll leave you to your _serious_ business," Shara said with a laugh that startled them out of the moment.

 

Cassian shot her an exasperated look as she backed away with glee, hands held in front of her in mock defense.  "Serious, eh?" Jyn's tone was light but questioning.

 

He looked back at her with that half smile, his head nodding.

 

"Ok," it was her time to purr and she fluidly squeezed his hand as she passed by him, letting her fingers linger until she was out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had wanted to write phone sex for a while. I hope it translates?
> 
> Sex when you have children is hard when you live with your partner so I can't even imagine the coordinating it takes when you're not under the same roof. Also, getting caught by your own parent. Yikes. 
> 
> I will likely post Part 5 on Monday.


	6. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Santa brought y'all 100% Christmas fluff!

"Mom, you will be too cold in that," Arlo sounded very serious from his perch on her bed, legs kicking against the side.

 

Jyn peaked out from her closet where she was attempting to pick out an outfit for her date with Cassian, brow furrowing, "How do you know?"

 

Arlo tilted his head and said with a casualness befitting a much older person, "Because Cassian said you'll be outside and it snowed last night and actually you should really wear your snow pants.  Yeah, that would be best."

 

Jyn froze, "And just what did Cassian say, my dear?"

 

Arlo leaned back on her bed and proceeded to throw a ball up toward the ceiling catching it when it returned, "Um, he said I wasn't supposed to tell you."

 

"Did he now?" Jyn couldn't help the smile that warmed her cheeks as she turned back to her clothes.

 

"Are you guys gonna get married?  Because Evie and I saw you kissing.  Like a lot.  And we think that you should get married.  So we can have sleepovers every night!" Arlo apparently had everything all figured out.

 

Jyn leaned her head against the top shelf.  She thought they had been careful to not make out in front of the kids.  They needed to have a conversation before they officially dragged the kids into it.  They had been getting sloppy in the last week, however, and their children appeared to be very nosy.  How to answer Arlo's question tactfully.  She popped her head back out and watched as he continued to throw the ball up in the air, "Well, it's not that simple, dear.  I like Cassian and I think he likes me.  So first we go out on dates…movies and dinners and such, get to know one another.  And then-" she paused for a moment, her heart fluttering at the thought, "and then, if we still like each other, and you and Evie approve, then we can talk about what to do next."

 

"Well, I think it should be that simple," Arlo stated with the assuredness of one who had not yet felt the universe's cruelness.  At least she had so far been able to spare his childhood of that.

 

Jyn approached the bed, sat down beside him, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his hair.  She said quietly, "Yes, my love, it should be that simple."

 

"Mommy," Arlo was petting the maroon cashmere sweater she had just put on, "You should wear this shirt.  It's so soft!"

 

Jyn chuckled in agreement as she pulled him tighter into herself.

 

………………

 

Her father had come to pick Arlo up shortly thereafter and then Jyn waited.  She had no idea what she was in for on this date.  She shouldn't be nervous (she had already seen Cassian naked, multiple times) but her stomach churned in pleasant excitement.

 

After presumably dropping Evie off at her father's house, Cassian knocked on her door.

 

"You could have just come in," Jyn rolled her eyes as the door opened, "You practically live here these days."

 

"Yes," he said with a twinkle in his eyes, extending a bouquet of peach and white amaryllis," But this is a date so that didn't seem right."

 

"Cassian Andor, you are a big softie," she teased as she wriggled into her wool coat. 

 

"You have no idea," he smirked back.

 

 

Jyn did not like being in the dark about this date so she was relieved when he at least let her in on his intentions as his car pulled out of her driveway.  "We're going to-" he started and she thought that he was so attractive when he was nervous, "I'm taking you on the date that I had planned when we were teenagers.  The one I should have taken you on a long time ago.  With a few seasonal and age appropriate changes, of course."

 

Jyn looked at him and the feeling that was bubbling up inside now was putting her on the verge of tears because that was the sweetest thing she had ever heard of.  "Okay," she managed quietly, "Where to?"

 

He grabbed her hand across the console, resting it on the top of her thigh as he said, "Well first, food because I know how you get if you're hungry.  Indochine."

 

Jyn was slightly puzzled and mildly impressed, "Eighteen year old Cassian was cool enough to choose a Vietnamese restaurant for a first date?  Jolene's was the place for first date dinners back then if I remember correctly."

 

Cassian looked amused, "Yes but did you like Jolene's?  You didn't strike me as the Jolene's type…"

 

Jyn laughed, "I'm not!  Give me spicy rice noodles over that overpriced knock off Italian any day!"

 

 

Dinner was a dream and they both remarked how, although they loved their children dearly, it was nice to have a meal alone.  Jyn got Bun Thit Heo Nuong and Cassian got Pho Dac Biet with a plate of Spring Rolls shared between.  Their waiter was a very tall, odd man named Kay who rubbed most people the wrong way but who Jyn had always thought of as part of the ambience of the tiny place.  "You know that has tripe in it?" he addressed Cassian when he ordered, "You do know what tripe is?  Because most people don't and then I get cranky because they blame me."

 

Jyn regarded Cassian with amused wide eyes at the waiter's pointed tone.  Jyn whispered around a giggle after the man had lumbered off towards the kitchen, "I wonder what he's like when he's actually cranky because his normal state leaves something to be desired."  She secretly enjoyed the man's strange, almost robotic sarcasm and looked forward to it almost as much as the food itself.

 

 A half lit tiny Christmas tree illuminated the table with mismatched chairs and colored lights were strewn haphazardly around the sparsely decorated restaurant that Jyn knew used to be a Wendy's.  It was perfect.  The food was excellent and they were able to talk about some of the things that needed to be discussed.

 

"So the kids already know…" Jyn led with.

 

Cassian swallowed his soup quickly before huffing a quick laugh, "Yeah…they kind of blindsided me the other day.  We weren't as careful as we thought.  At least they seem pretty ok with it?"

 

"Suspiciously so," she remarked.

 

He nodded and then closed his eyes with a laugh.  "What?" Jyn's brow furrowed.

 

He looked at her with soft eyes, "It's just-I find it hilarious that the first person I open up to this way after Teresa ends up being the first person I ever wanted.  And it just all fits.  Perfectly."

 

Jyn licked her lips as she thought of what to say next, "What was she like?"

 

He looked down at his meal, swirling his spoon in the murky broth, "She was kind, fun, easy to get along with.  I met her in college when Kes started dating Shara.  She was the first person that I felt connected to since, well you, in a different way of course.  Things moved quickly.  We got married at twenty-three, had Evie at twenty-four."

 

"She made you happy," it wasn't a question that left Jyn's mouth and Cassian nodded bittersweetly.

 

Jyn thought for a moment about what to say but since they were talking about parentage and the mood had already taken a somber tone she decided to get it out there, "I don't know who Arlo's father is and I don't even know where to begin to find out."

 

She proceeded to tell the bits that she did know and about the guilt she carried for not being able to give a straight answer on the rare occasion that he asked about his father.  "I'll-" she started, choking a little on the words, "I'll help him search for him if I can, if he wants to someday."

 

Cassian nodded, his thumb now moving in soothing circles on the top of her hand on the table now messy with the remnants of their meal, "I think that's all you can do and that's ok."

 

There was a pause for a minute before Jyn could pull herself out of the mood.  "So what's the next part?" Jyn said with a deep breath, wanting to change the tone of the date now that some of the tougher discussions were out of the way, "Does it have to do with the sleds in your backseat?"

 

Cassian looked up at her from under his lashes, that smirk back on his face, as he signaled for the check, "Possibly."

 

Jyn laughed, "If sledding outside is intended, we need to stop at the Falcon first.  I need wine for that!  Also, those sleds are ruining my nefarious intentions of ravaging you in the backseat.  Again.  If you want this to be an authentic teen date, that needs to be on the table."

 

"You just suggested we get wine.  THAT is not authentic to a teen date," he placed his hand on her lower back as they exited the restaurant, crisp winter air hitting their faces.

 

He chuckled when she threw back playfully, "Do you suggest we get Natty Light?!"

 

……………

 

A giant dog in need of detangling bounded up to Jyn as the bell jingled upon entrance to the Falcon.  "Don't mind Chewie, he's friendly," a surly voice from behind the checkout counter to their right yelled.  Jyn and Cassian looked at each other in amusement as they pet the dog's head.

 

The Falcon Liquor Store was packed as it was three days before Christmas and everyone was stocking up on provisions.  Jyn and Cassian wove around people and carts back to the corner with all of the wine.  Cassian perused the reds but Jyn got sidetracked by an end cap.  She heard his voice ahead of her, "Anything in particular that you're feeling?"

 

She put on an antler headband she had found and grabbed a sprig of plastic mistletoe from the display and sauntered up behind him.  "Oh, I don't know…"she purred as she popped up in front of him, her hand playfully lifting the mistletoe as far above him as she could reach, which wasn't really far.  He smirked and took the bundle from her hand, their fingers brushing slowly as he jested, "You really are short."

 

He raised the mistletoe above her head and she pouted without any heat behind it and said, grabbing the collar of his coat, "Well then get down here."

 

She felt his smile on her lips as they made out in between the Cabernets and the Pinot Noirs, his hand grabbing at her waist and lower and lower…

 

"Ahem," they pulled away at the sound of an annoyed third person.

 

Jyn almost started laughing when she saw the look on, of all people, Kate's face.  "Oh, sorry," Jyn started, fake embarrassment on her face, "Hi, Kate."

 

Kate looked between the two and shifted her weight between her glittery red heels.  She stared awkwardly for a few beats more before dodging to the side and disappearing into the next aisle.

 

Jyn giggled, grabbing Cassian's arm as she said, "Well, the rest of the school should know about us in the next fifteen minutes or so."

 

"I'd say that's highly likely," Cassian leaned down to kiss her forehead.

 

…………

 

"Hold on.  I have a playlist."  Cassian fumbled with his phone screen as Jyn patiently sat on the sled at the top of the snowy hill, "It was on an actual CD but I do not have the technology to play it that way now."

 

Jyn took a swig from the wine bottle, the white twinkle lights that lined the park hill trees glittering in the dark glass, "Seriously.  You made me a mix CD?  No one ever did that for me.  Or so I thought."

 

"Well I did," he winked at her as The Postal Service began to blare from his phone.

 

"And you kept it…" she returned.

 

He nodded as he came to sit behind her, the phone now safely tucked into a pocket where it would not fall out but the music could be heard.  She could feel his breath on her cheek as he murmured close to her ear,"Yes.  I never quite got over you."

 

Jyn didn't know quite what to say so she stalled by pushing off, the cold evening air brushing through her hair as they sped down the hill, Cassian's arm wound tight around her waist.

 

"I'm sorry for not returning any of your calls," she finally huffed out as they trudged up the snowy hill once more, David Bowie's _Oh! You Pretty Things_ cutting through the cold air.

 

He nodded, licking his lips before speaking, "I got it.  After I heard what happened.  I mean, me of all people.  I totally got it.  Nothing to apologize for."

 

They were quiet for a few more moments before he spoke again, "Besides, I kind of like how it all turned out.  Not the sad parts necessarily but I like where we are now.  Where the kids are now."

 

She turned abruptly towards him and lunged, making him fall back into the snow with her straddling his hips.  "Me too," she breathed, the bow of her mouth upturned, before leaning down to capture his lips.

 

………

 

"It would be easier for Santa to deliver our presents if Evie and Cassian stayed over here tonight," Arlo was very serious as he and Evie stood in front of Cassian and Jyn in her kitchen.

 

"Yes," Evie spoke in so measured a tone that Jyn knew that this speech had been rehearsed at least a few times, "He would have less stops.  We don't even have a chimney so he can get into this house easier."

 

"We're just trying to make his night easier.  We'll still leave double the cookies.  Please!" Arlo clasped his hands together.

 

Evie parroted him and the kitchen echoed in a duet of "Please!" and Jyn looked at Cassian with a smirk.  He opened his mouth, eyebrows nearly up to his hairline, but when she nodded, a grin on her face, he said, "Well, we can't argue with that logic, now can we?"

 

 

Cassian went back to his house to pack Evie and him a bag and also "Santa's" presents in the trunk.  Evie had wanted to go as well but Jyn distracted her with hot chocolate.  They all put out a doubly large plate of cookies and two cups of milk and wrote a joint letter to Santa.

 

After a reading of The Night Before Christmas and many hugs and kisses, Jyn and Cassian enjoyed a glass of wine while they waited for the tiny footsteps and small voices above to fall away into slumber.  With two people, the work of Santa was cut in half, although Cassian, who had pre-wrapped all of his gifts, was saddled with helping Jyn to wrap hers.  "I had good intentions of wrapping these beforehand," she defended cheekily when he looked at her incredulously, "But like every year, it didn't happen.  That's something you should know about me."

 

After everything was wrapped and the tree looked like an exploded confetti bomb, Jyn came back into the room with two newly filled glasses of wine to find Cassian lying on his back, his head under the tree.

 

"What are you doing?" she asked, genuinely perplexed by his actions.

 

He held out his hand to take one of the wineglasses to put on the floor.  Then he reached for her hand, pulling gently, "Come here."

 

She bent down to mirror him and looked up through the lit branches and glittering globes of the tree.  The smell of pine mingled with the cozy warmth of the fire across form them and Jyn marveled at how lovely this all was.  Cassian slid his hand into hers, his warmth enveloping hers, as their faces took on a colorful reflected hue.  "Merry Christmas, Jyn," Cassian whispered as he squeezed her hand tighter.

 

"Merry Christmas, Cassian," she smiled back before rolling over to kiss him gently at first, both of them tasting of wine and sugar cookies, but growing more insistent until Jyn suddenly broke away, realizing something, "What time is it?"

 

Cassian looked startled at her but checked his watch, "Ugh.  One-thirty.  They'll be up in a few hours."

 

Jyn nodded, tugging at his arm insistently, "Yes.  Arlo was up at five last year.  So come on, Andor.  Take me to bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting while in the "having a glass of wine while listening for the quieting of the pitter patter of little feet" stage of Christmas Eve. Then I get to play Santa which I'm genuinely excited about this year.
> 
> The restaurant is based on an actual place that I frequent. Please tell me if I messed something up. I just went with what my partner and I get there. 
> 
> I will post a short epilogue either tomorrow or the day after, Christmas festivities dependent.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and leaving me love on this! I wish you all a very Merry Christmas Eve!

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to @thegiddyowl for the title assist!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @ghostoftreebeard. Also now on Pillowfort under the same moniker.


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